Not every young family can afford a separate housing, so often you have to live together with the parents of one of the spouses. Practice shows that the worst option is to move the husband’s parents to the apartment. Paradoxically: jokes are written about the mother-in-law, and the mother-in-law is a really scary person. Maybe because women are not up to composing jokes? They, among other things, have one more difficult thing - to deal with a phenomenon called mother in law.
There are traditional stories about two housewives who find it difficult to get along in the kitchen, that her husband’s parents are representatives of the older generation who find it difficult to understand and accept the habits of her daughter-in-law (“Oh, my God, she smokes!”), Her dressing style (“She what, easy morals? What kind of skirt? "), her ability to cook (" Parents didn’t teach anything, but still get married! "), her ideas about cleanliness (" I imagine what’s going on in their house, there’s no elementary can "), her methods of raising children (" Poor child, with this approach it is not known what will grow out of him "), etc. d. etc.
In a word, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you hear only claims expressed with discontent on your face. "Why?" - you ask a question to yourself, husband, your parents, colleagues, girlfriends, thematic forums. The answer is simple: well, she doesn’t like you, you encroached on what she always considered to be undivided property - her son. In addition, a new, unfamiliar person appeared in her diocese, an apartment in which the structure had been established for years, trying to establish its own order. Is there really nothing you can do about it? Can.
- Do not try to "like" the mother-in-law. Experience shows that this is almost impossible. Gift giving, attempts to jointly view her husband’s children’s photos with a touching smile on her face and admiring exclamations: “Wow, who would have thought that such a handsome guy would grow out of such a peanut!”, They not only do not help, but also often raise suspicions - they say, "I'm trying to seem good, I know such people." Be natural, behave kindly, restrained, kindly. Do not "get carried away" on provocations, attempts to "test you for strength", and, most importantly, do not complain to your husband about his mother, do not drag him into your developing relationship with her. Consider that this is your war and, having lost the battle at some point, the outcome of the battle will still be unknown to anyone.
- Try to agree on a division of responsibilities: in cooking, in cleaning the apartment, in a hiking store. Remember: you are in its territory, the setting of rules on which will never be completely yours. Consult, offer help, but not fawning, maintaining self-esteem. You will be refused - it does not matter. You did everything you could.
- Do not compete with the mother-in-law in cooking, in cleanliness, in needlework, and most importantly - in love for her son. You have different love with her, you will understand this later, someday becoming a mother-in-law.
- Despite everything, make it clear that you are a husband - a family in which you will establish the rules on your own. Attentively listen to the advice of your husband’s mother (and there might be many of them), but whether or not to follow them is your business and it is also better to make this clear right away.
- Depending on the case, slight flattery is permissible, for example, if your mother-in-law is fond of needlework or growing flowers. Sincerely take an interest in her hobbies, fans of any business are always in search of a listener.
- There are frequent cases when a mother-in-law considers it possible to intervene in all areas of your young family’s life: how you furnished your room, how you raise and dress a child, how you set your daily routine, and how you spend your budget. If hints and conversations do not directly help, if nothing changes, the tactics may be one - take the mother-in-law out of the cold. She rearranged the vase - you put it in her place with a smile, she criticizes the way you dressed - you silently, having dressed what you thought is necessary, go about your business. But remember: this tactic is not for the faint of heart. It may take years, but, in the end, will bear fruit. The main thing - do not get annoyed, thank for the advice, but be yourself.
- Sometimes cohabitation with the mother-in-law lasts for months, and sometimes for many years. If you have not found the opportunity to purchase or rent a house, you need to tune in a certain way, look for ways to live together. And these paths, first of all, you need to look for, if you want to save the family and the relationship of the mother-in-law-you-your husband is a fundamental factor in this. Remember: a bad world is better than a good quarrel.
- Often young families break up precisely because of the inability to get along with their mother-in-law, especially when the husband defends the position of his mother, pushing the interests of his wife into the background. In this situation, no tricks will help: the husband and mother-in-law formed an alliance, which, perhaps, only strong love can destroy. If this is not the case, and all your efforts have yielded no fruit, you can, with a clear conscience, think about whether your nerves and your self-esteem are worth the sacrifices.
Text: Irina Sheikhetova
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