No one marries in preparation for a divorce. But when a couple is faced with a sad reality, the holidays only intensify the conflict. Former spouses await the New Year with fear, because they have not decided whether to communicate with each other? and how the children will respond to the sad changes. Divorced parents do not know whether to follow old traditions or try to create new ones. How to show children that despite the divorce, they continue to be a family?
Many parents make the mistake of pretending that nothing has changed in their lives. Do not continue to act as if you are a couple. This creates confusion, especially for babies. Children hope that their parents converge again. Unfortunately, they often consider themselves the reason for the separation of their parents, wondering why their "bad behavior" led to the breakup of the family.
Holidays give rise to mixed feelings. For many, they are full of joy and leave happy memories of time spent with the family. But for children whose parents divorced, the holidays are filled with negative emotions, fear, or a keen awareness that the family they remember no longer exists.
Changes in the family structure are particularly acute when ex-spouses refuse to celebrate the New Year or children "roam" from one parent to another.
Refusal of traditions causes children sadness and even a feeling of "loss" of the family of which they were a part.
Therefore, make a plan for the New Year to avoid conflicts. Discuss in advance whether you will spend the holidays together or separately. If you have a new relationship, decide whether to introduce your partners to your children during the New Year holidays.
Divorced parents must recognize the changes that are inevitable in a divorce situation. If possible, keep some of the old traditions, but be sure to create new ones that reflect change. Children feel uncertainty and fear, so try to convince them that the family still exists, although in a different form.
What should former spouses not do during the New Year holidays?
1. Trying to buy the love or forgiveness of children.
2. Complain to children about the other parent.
3. Pretending nothing has changed.
4. Plan how the children spend their vacations without consulting each other.
5. To quarrel with the former spouse in front of the children.
6. To focus on the collapse of marriage, instead of focusing on the needs of children.
7. Bind in negative emotions and memories, be overly vulnerable and touchy, communicating with an ex-spouse.
8. Enter into a new relationship abruptly, expecting the children to immediately accept your partner.
9. Spill your frustration with your ex-spouse on children.
10. Try to conduct deep and meaningful conversations about the causes and circumstances of the divorce. Even if your children are serious beyond their years and behave like little adults, they still remain children.
11. Share with your children your fears, anxieties, grievances, anger and sadness.
12. Strive for an "ideal" rest (it does not exist).
When a marriage is destroyed, this does not mean that the family is no longer there. Spouses get divorced, but parents remain parents.
Reduce your expectations and be flexible. Focus on what matters most to you. First of all, it is the happiness of children and the desire to arrange a holiday for them.
Another year will pass, but you will never be the same.
Old traditions are leaving, and change often happens for the better!
