It is unlikely that any conscientious person will be able to refuse the request to his colleague, friend, and even more so, the boss. And even an authoritarian, tough individual has never been shy about saying no. In most such cases, consent is completely disgusting in nature, but pity, respect for the applicant, and finally, weakness of character lead to promises that sometimes ... are completely unfulfilled.
It is not necessary to give promises and say "yes" if there are doubts that they will be fulfilled. However, many of us, succumbing to momentary weakness, buy a completely unnecessary product just because the seller has aroused sympathy or has the gift to persuade.
“Learn to convincingly say no. This is one of the most necessary skills in the world; your life will be incessant torment until you learn to issue such an answer without hesitation and in a categorical tone ...” said Bernard Shaw.
The reasons for which we do not dare to say "no" may be, besides those already mentioned, and others. But be that as it may, timidity and indecision, delicacy and gentleness of character violate mental equilibrium and sometimes cause nervous breakdown like yours - a person who has not fulfilled the promise, and the one who hoped for your help.
Shackled with the word "yes", you feel that your personal space has been violated, interests are infringed, but the problem still needs to be solved in order not to be considered an optional, irresponsible person. Sometimes the inability to say no leads to a lot of additional problems and stressful moods.
“Refuse with a firm tone, without any doubts, but think over everything beforehand. It’s better to say no at once than giving a yes, after some time, give up the word,” said one textbook for psychological universities.
Psychologists have developed step-by-step instructions for such indecisive people who can not squeeze out the very word "no." First you need to firmly repeat yourself several times: "No, I will not do that."
When these words become familiar to you, refer to them already to the one who is forced to refuse the request. In this case, the refusal must be clearly argued, your entire appearance and even posture must demonstrate determination and confidence in your position. Sometimes you can ask for forgiveness, but in most cases this is not worth doing.
It is possible that the interlocutor will convince you, insist, and the main thing here is to stick to what was said earlier and not to succumb to weakness. It is best to say the same phrase, for example,
"I understood you, but I cannot do this for reasons that I have already mentioned"
or
"I enter your position," but I cannot help it. "
Such a refusal is less offensive to the supplicant than the simple word "no." Do not enter into verbal battles, especially if you know your weakness - in the end you can be persuaded to do something that you absolutely do not want.
Not quite right to those who seek to gain a reputation as a shirt-guy, reliable and always ready to help, while sometimes forgetting about their own interests. What makes many of us go on about the bosses, colleagues, friends? If in the first case it is an elementary unwillingness to anger the boss, then in the other two reasons it can be different. For example, low self-esteem, fixed since childhood and most often imposed by parents.
It seems to a person that he himself means nothing in the eyes of others, but if he gives right and left to give out promises and tirelessly fulfill them, then ... Is it any wonder that others quickly get used to such a state of affairs and cease to reckon with faultless?
Intelligence, an example of parents does not allow to refuse accommodation or even a rather long stay of at least an unfamiliar person, even a comrade. If conditions allow such a society and the owner likes it, then everything would be fine, but it often happens differently ... In this case, politely but firmly refuse - the best way out.
